A Letter From Parker Booth

Dear Bones Fans,

Ello govna. It’s me, Parker, writing you from England! I’ve been having fun here I guess. Their coffee doesn’t taste as good as it does in America. It’s really weak here!!!!

Everything has been pretty boring lately. Yesterday, a new Royal Baby was born. I wanted to put on my tuxedo for the special event, but there was a huge stain on it? Wtf? The new Royal Baby being born is pretty cool, but not as cool as when Christine was born! I miss her a lot. I’m gonna send her a postcard. It seems as though whenever I try to do something nice for Christine, Temperance and my dad think I’m up to no good! I hope someday my dad and Temperance have another kid, that would be awesome.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately- what are my dad, Temperance, and Christine up to? When will I be able to come back to the states? Dad keeps sending me Poker Game requests on Facebook which is annoying….I wish he’d stop that!

Well, I have to go now. Downton Abbey is about to come on. Hopefully I will come back to DC soon.

PEACE AND BLESSINGS,

Parker Booth

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Let’s Talk About Sex (and why it’s called Bones not Boners)

Let’s talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about B & B
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let’s talk about sex

People. I’m going to start off by saying that Bones is not 50 Shades of Gray. I think that one pretty much explains itself.

Booth and Brennan have it all going on. Kickass jobs, good looks, wonderful friends, a beautiful child and another one on the way (they had to have sex to do that btw). Now, I get it. What Booth and Brennan have is GOALS. I love the same scenes that y’all do. The washing machine scene, all of the bathtub talk, the wedding, and so on and so forth. It’s great. It really is. I ship them so hard. I love Booth and Brennan.

BUT

As of late, I have seen a lot of hate on Twitter about lack of B & B “romance” scenes. And to be honest if I wanted to be a complete savage I would post all of the screen shotted tweets I have, but I’ll save that for another day. That would be fun.

Let me remind you that this show is called Bones, not Boners. The premise of this show is to use bones to solve crimes, not for every couple to bone in every episode. Do I think there has been less mushy mushy Booth and Brennan lately? Yes. But just because the scenes of them aren’t insanely romantic, doesn’t mean it’s a problem.

Think back to the pilot episode. Did you forget how Bones used to be? NO SEX WAS HAD IN THAT EPISODE. Booth and Brennan were (painstakingly) platonic for A LONG time. We all survived 6 seasons of them not together so I think people should appreciate that they ARE together and just relax. Every B & B scene doesn’t have to be them ripping each others clothes off.

Also, don’t get me started on the people who spammed Stephen and Hart for a B & B sex scene on Twitter. Y’all should be ashamed of yourselves.

And for those of you who hated this post and disagreed with every word I said, I googled the top porn sites for you (http://www.tblop.com) because obviously you have weird biological needs that you are trying to get met vicariously through B & B.

BTW,

Demily is not real

Best,

HodginsCar

PTSD: Post Traumatic Sweets Disorder (and why you should move on)

Lance Sweets.

*sighs*

What fantastic character. I remember when he was first introduced in The Secret in the Soil during season 3. He was on the nerdy side, and always fell victim to jokes about his young age. Booth gave him a hard time in a big brother type of way and Brennan discounted every word he said solely because it was psychology.  But Sweets didn’t care. He applied the concepts of psychology to fully understand Booth and Brennan as individuals and subsquently as partners. He knew them better than they knew themselves at that point.

Obviously, over time, their relationships grew. Booth’s age jokes still rang out and Brennan was still skeptical, but they became best friends. The interrogations, the moments in the field and in the lab were all key pieces to building the great relationships that Sweets had with Booth and Brennan as well as Cam, Angela, Hodgins, and the squinterns. From seasons 3-9 they really did become a family.

*********************

On September 25th, 2014 I sat on the futon in my dorm room gearing up for the start of another season of Bones. BOOTH IS IN JAIL they told us. BRENNAN’S TRYING TO CLEAR HIS NAME they told us. Little did we know, that episode had way more in store for us. The last ten minutes of the episode came up quick, as always. Booth was out of jail and I was feeling good. HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT A JOKE THOUGH. I’ve never seen an episode take such a drastic turn.

As Booth and Brennan crouched over Sweets on the ground while on the verge of death I  was having flashbacks of the passing of the ever-so-hilarious Vincent Nigel Murray (may he rest in peace). TEARZ WERE ALSO FLOWING BUT I AM NOT GOING TO GET INTO THAT RIGHT NOW. I thought: “No they COULDN’T. No they WOULDN’T. THERE’S NO WAY THEY’RE GONNA KILL A MAIN CHARACTER IN THE SEASON PREMIERE.”

I was wrong. I think we were ALL wrong. Sweets had died. Bones just killed a main character. What the FUCK just happened here? It was surreal. I saw what had just happened but I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it when it happened, I didn’t believe it when I saw Daisy crying, and I still didn’t believe it when Cam unzipped the body bag.

********************

Bones is ten years old. Things change. The talented John Francis Daley changed. New opportunities to do what he loves arose, so he left. JFD gets to do what he loves and achieve his dreams and aspirations. Not a lot of people can say that. The character of Lance Sweets played a vital role in the development of Booth and Brennan’s relationship and elevated the show as a whole. Those moments with Sweets and Christine? MANY SOBS. The fact that he will never get the chance to meet his son? EVEN MORE SOBS. While we mourn the exit of Sweets, I ask you to do one thing:

Shut the fuck up and move on. No seriously. Keep all of the Sweets memories tucked away in your brain and clear a spot for NEW CHARACTERS. And by new characters I basically mean Special Agent James Aubrey. Sure he may look like Sweets a little bit if you close both eyes, tilt your head to the left, and stick out your tongue, BUT HE’S NOT SWEETS. If you are spewing massive amounts of shit on Twitter about how Aubrey replaced Sweets, or how he interrogates people more often than Booth, then fucking stop watching the show. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THEN STOP.

Sweets was a good guy.  Memories were made, laughs were had, Lime in the Coconut was sung, but it’s time to move on.

SO if you or a loved one is suffering from Post Traumatic Sweets Disorder, PLS get over it and accept new things.

BTW,

Demily is not real

Best,

HodginsCar

7 Things NOT To Do While Waiting For Bones To Be Renewed

DO NOT:

1. Run a 5k (FUCK running)

2. Tweet shit at/about writers/producers/actors. PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU TO STOP THIS. BTW I AM LOOKING AT YOU, GIRL WHO TWEETED THAT BONES WAS OUT OF IDEAS 🙂 🙂 🙂

3. Ask Hart and Stephen when Zack Addy is coming back

Sometime when you’re not busy, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions?

4. Change your Twitter name to “We Fight For Bones 11”. I PROMISE you that the Fox execs do not search for Twitter names like that when they are on the edge about renewing a show.

5. Complain about new characters. This show is 10 years old and changes over time. G E T  O V E R  I T.

6. Tweet about lack of Booth and Brennan scenes. This show is a group effort and if you are not a team player then GTFO

7. Beg @FoxSpecOps for new promos. I promise that they will be released. It’s their job to make them.

BTW,

Demily is not real

Best,

HodginsCar

WELCOME

Welcome, Boneheads. This is my first official blog post. From now on I will be posting thoughts and such on here. There will be jokes and more jokes. I hope you enjoy this as much as I will.

 

 

BTW,

Demily is not real

 

-HodginsCar